I write better in my head. In the deep of night. When people are dreaming. Turning and tossing. Traveling worlds beyond in the short time between midnight and dawn. Well, at least that’s what I like to believe when insomnia comes courting. When she is smiling that wicked smile leading me on down the paths of thought. With the aftertaste of coffee in my mouth.
That’s the time i travel worlds beyond. In the sanctuary of my mind. It’s the busiest place to be at night. I get lost at times. Crawl deep into the gutters. Shuffle through the bottled up emotions. Think back on my good and bad deeds. Pretend my vilest mistakes belong to someone else. Watch myself in 3D inside this busy cavern i call my mind. If that’s even possible.
I think of the far i have come. I ponder the future. Well, that’s when my present is not cracking me up.I think of my expectations. Look at my reality, then wonder what would happen if snakes had wings. I didn’t say I had intelligent thoughts at midnight now, did i…stop smirking already.
I think of him then. And of her. And of them. And then think of society. What’s with society and it’s gibberish expectations at times though? So what if i am getting older without a job, a house or car…that’s not all that matters, right? Even my inner voice just sneered at my line of thought, well, maybe it does matter. But who gets to decide what at point in life you are supposed to “make it” ?
The beauty of life is that there is no limit to your possibilities. This is not how I plan on living the rest of my life, but for now, it gets me by. So what if my hopes and dreams are frowned upon by society? One witty person said that if your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough. Mine scare the living daylights out of me, so there’s that.
But the point is, in between missing our past and worrying about the future, we forget our present. So i am gonna live in the present, put a hold on the past and dread the future…one day at a time goddammit.
Uuurm… Clearly my insomnia isn’t such a waste after all. Epiphanies have been made…Ahem