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Epilepsy and I

03 Mar

ep Carpe Diem…I have epilepsy and prefer not to seize today or any other day. Thank you.

I love to brush off reality. Like the fact that i am epileptic.Until i woke this morning.With my mouth bruised and hurting as fuck.

So i visited Dr. Google.To learn a few facts you see. A fuck-load of crap i say .The things listed in there.But then again some are true.Like the fact that i lose my memory.And at times i get moody.But who doesn’t?

Until i met this funny one.That epileptics get hypergraphia. That’s a blind desire to write on and on for you uneducated numbskulls. I googled it too. This is the best side effect of them all i can say.Because i love to write. I just had no idea that my writing was proudly sponsored by yours truly Mr. Epilepsy.

So here i am.Trying to pretend all is well with the world. That the sun rising and setting without a care if i convulse to death is okay with me.That it’s just a fly in my soup.And i can easily pull it out or leave the soup

But it’s not.Sooner or later i have to accept it.Procrastinating  has been working wonders for me so far.Until this pleasant morning.Waking up with a severely bruised tongue. It has happened before of course. But this came with an extra dose of pain from whoever hands out illness. Just in case i had forgotten that i have this incredible disorder or call it whatever the fuck you want to. I really don’t care.

 So then i wonder. Get into a serious session of depression. Those happen at times too. It’s really interesting you see. One moment all is well with the world, next moment you are crawling the gutters of self-loathing and colorful depression. So i ask myself…What if one day.I get the seizure of my life.And die a jerky death?

See what i did there?Epileptics do have a sense of humor too

 Dr.Google said we are a lousy group.That our mood-swings can make the Devil stop.That we are unpredictable.So what, i am epileptic…what’s your excuse you moody jerks?

 And the interesting part of it all.Is never knowing when it hits you next. Not knowing what part of your waking or sleeping life you get the seizures. Who will be in your company. What if you are alone. God forbid you be getting laid at that exact hour. Hahaha! Don’t give me that look. Hypergraphia, remember?

I live for the social anxiety.And the embarrassment that comes with it. And having to explain it to dimwits and other educated fools. Some who care and a majority who just ask it while scrolling through their phones to find better company to spend the evening with. I live for those moments.

 Oh dear epilepsy.You and i could go places.We could seize the day. Metaphorically of course. Don’t take it the wrong way. I am rather fond of you, but could you go the hell back where you came from? I know for sure that i won’t miss you one second. I won’t miss having to explain why i need to pop pills every fucking day of my life. I won’t miss having to operate a mini-pharmacy in my handbag. I won’t miss having to explain you to new people so that they can beware lest you come visiting any time.

There’s a whole bunch of stuff I’d love to do without you getting in my way. Like having kids you know. Many kids too i must say. And driving …Racing with the wind blowing through my hair without fearing that I’ll get one of your heavenly visits in the middle of it? I don’t hate you, i just wish you’d give me a minute to live…okay?

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Posted by on March 3, 2015 in Uncategorized, Writing

 

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